Traveling along life's path

Honestly, I hate making decisions. I'm convinced that I'm always going to do the wrong thing in a situation. So I seek advice. I pray. I think about every consequence of every possible scenerio.

And sometimes, that still isn't enough for me to know what I should do. I know that all my problems are in God's hands, but what if I do the opposite of what God planned for me? Would everything still play out right?

I feel like if I make a wrong choice just once, maybe even without realizing it's wrong, my whole life will be thrown off course. Which is really overwhelming to think about.

I know usually it's pretty easy to figure out right from wrong. But at this point, it's more of a decision to follow my heart or follow my mind.

It would be really cliche if I was like, "Oh, I'm going to follow my heart of course." That's what most people would advise me to do, but sometimes your heart isn't right.

And sometimes, I don't even know what my heart wants. Like right now.

Down with the sickness

I hate being sick. I mean everyones does. But I really hate being sick on a break. I could be missing school, not missing fun times with friends! I went to a party last night which was the only cool thing I've got to do for three days and I was basically miserable. I'm going to another tonight, and hopefully I'll feel better by then.

So what do you do when you're stuck at home sick? I'm not a very sick person, and when I am sick it's while we have school. I've never been this sick and bored before.

I decided to make a twitter during my time of great sickness [Okay I just have a bad cold but I got tired of using just the word sick]. Which is really cool, and a lot different from facebook but in a good way I think. But twitter can only entertain you for so long.

I watched a couple movies, and they were quite precious. But they kinda depressed me and made me wonder why love can't work out that way in real life. And I can't just watch movies all day long.

I've done a great deal of sleeping, but I mean, that's like the ultimate waste of time when you've already had more than your needed sleep for that day.

I've played the games on my phone a bunch, but I feel that is also a poor way to fill my time.

I could pick up my room a little bit, but I just did that a couple days ago. So there's really no point. I wanted to dust it but that would just make me sneeze even more than I already am.

I have a book that my friend loaned me that apparently is really good. But why would I want to read when I don't have to? I guess if it's that good of a book, it would be worth it. I might give it a shot today.

So if you took the time to read this completely pointless post, and you have any ideas to entertain me, please let me know.

:)

We are who we are until the day we die

I do believe the worst feeling I've experienced

Is being upset about something

When you know you shouldn't be.

When you know that it's no big deal

And you should just toughen up and get over it.

Maybe it's something that happened a long time ago

That you've never let go of for good.

Or maybe it's just something stupid that wouldn't make sense to others.

Lately I've been feeling this a lot.

And I know I complicate that more than the average person.

Why do I hold on to things I know should be long forgotten?

Why must I get offended so easily?

Why am I so sensitive to every little thing people say about me?

I wish these weren't qualities of mine, but that's the real me.

Which is another thing bothering me at the moment.

People are acting different lately; not being their true selves.

And there's no point in being someone you're not.

You can only hide from yourself for so long until you're found.

So why would I try to fake who I am?

I'm not changing, this is me, take it or leave it.

Eleven Days

Eleven is my favorite number, just saying.

It's been a week since I updated my blog, and I can think of a dozen things to write about.

I could blog about Beta convention, about Isaac becoming state president, about how we won talent finally, about the great time I had with my friends, about "Shawt bus Shawty" and about the numerous pranks my wonderful guy friends did to me.

I could blog about the beautiful snow that got us two days off from school which have been such a blessing to me, about how cold it was trying to take pictures in it, about how it's melting right now, and about the fact that it more than likely will snow again in a day or snow.

I could blog about how around this time last year, I was more upset than I've been in my entire life, about how strange it is to think a year has already passed, and about how glad I am all that is passed me now.

However, I do believe I want to share something else, something more important. Christmas is only 11 days away, and I feel like that so many other things go on this time of year that I get distracted from what's supposed to be the main focus.. Jesus.

I urge you to go listen to my favorite Christmas song, it's not popular or anything I don't think, but it's beautiful and almost brings me to tears every time I listen to it.

Song: Child of Love
Artist: Sara Groves

It's crazy to think an ordinary teenager girl was chosen to be the mother of the One who came to save us all. God could have picked anyone in the world, but he picked Mary.

Imagine how overwelmed she felt when the angel came and told her she was pregnant with God's only son, and was told to name Him Jesus. Imagine how people judged her back then, knowing she wasn't married yet.

And Mary was a virgin, which makes the whole story even more miraculous. God is the only one who can make something like that happen.

But I'm almost positive that there never has been, nor never will be a mother as proud of her child as Mary was of Jesus.

For the next 11 days, I will listen to that song everyday, along with many other Christmas songs. I will exchange gifts with people. I will enjoy time off of school with friends and family. I will simply embrace this holiday before it's gone. But I'm also promising myself that everyday I will take time to think about the real reason we celebrate, because without Jesus, I wouldn't be alive to enjoy this time of year.

Let it "Snow"

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to find my mother in my room trying to tell me something. All I heard was the word school. I had been in the middle of a strange dream [I've had those a lot lately] and for some reason what she said sounded like, "How was your day at school?"

I was so out of it that I simply replied with a confused, "What do you mean?" I'm sure I sounded crazy to her, considering what she had really said was we weren't going to have school today.

Somehow I was sane enough to update my status on facebook, and then I rolled over and went back to sleep for almost 7 hours.

When I finally woke up, I went to peak out my window to see the so called "snow" that had set us free from 7 periods of toture. [Okay, maybe school isn't quite that bad.] But when I opened the blinds, I found grass and blacktop with a couple wimpy patches of white on them.

Disappointed? Just a little bit.

I am still very thankful for being off today, I got 5 more hours of sleep than I normally would and I have the chance to catch up on a few things.

But next time school is called off I wish to gaze out my window and find a wintery blanket of deep snow so I can join my friends in some sleigh riding and possibly make a snowman.

Thank you God for this snow day and the many to come, but please not too many so we don't have to go to school in June again!!

It was only just a dream.. [Thank Goodness]

When I was a younger child, I had a WILD Imagination. As I've grown older, that creativity has seemed to fade. 

But I think I have figured out where all those crazy thoughts and ideas have gone.. To my dreams.

I dream of getting shot in Walmart, friends becoming possessed, bedrooms with magical teleport-capable stairways, and anit-shark chapstick. Tell me that's not out of the ordinary.

Last night I had a strange dream that consisted of my brother covering my bed with hundreds of batteries. I asked him nicely to clean it up because I didn't want battery acid to get on me, but he refused so I had to do it myself.

I started picking up the batteries and I noticed there was something greasy on my hand.. Battery acid. I rushed to my bathroom sink to wash it off, but unfortunately, the acid was already eating away at my skin.

The pain was unbearable, and the water didn't seem to be working, so I decided to move myself to the faucet in the bathtub so there would be more water and pressure on my hand. I was screaming for my parents, but they didn't seem to care at all. [Of course in real life they would be freaking out.]

I watched as the acid began to burn a hole in my hand, [Gross, right] and at this point I was convinced that the dream was real and I was nearing death. 

Somehow, a miracle occurred and my hand was mostly healed with just a tiny slither of sink that looked like a nasty cut.

I woke of relieved it that it was only just a dream. But why would that happen in real life, and where does my mind come up with this stuff?