Traveling along life's path

Honestly, I hate making decisions. I'm convinced that I'm always going to do the wrong thing in a situation. So I seek advice. I pray. I think about every consequence of every possible scenerio.

And sometimes, that still isn't enough for me to know what I should do. I know that all my problems are in God's hands, but what if I do the opposite of what God planned for me? Would everything still play out right?

I feel like if I make a wrong choice just once, maybe even without realizing it's wrong, my whole life will be thrown off course. Which is really overwhelming to think about.

I know usually it's pretty easy to figure out right from wrong. But at this point, it's more of a decision to follow my heart or follow my mind.

It would be really cliche if I was like, "Oh, I'm going to follow my heart of course." That's what most people would advise me to do, but sometimes your heart isn't right.

And sometimes, I don't even know what my heart wants. Like right now.

Down with the sickness

I hate being sick. I mean everyones does. But I really hate being sick on a break. I could be missing school, not missing fun times with friends! I went to a party last night which was the only cool thing I've got to do for three days and I was basically miserable. I'm going to another tonight, and hopefully I'll feel better by then.

So what do you do when you're stuck at home sick? I'm not a very sick person, and when I am sick it's while we have school. I've never been this sick and bored before.

I decided to make a twitter during my time of great sickness [Okay I just have a bad cold but I got tired of using just the word sick]. Which is really cool, and a lot different from facebook but in a good way I think. But twitter can only entertain you for so long.

I watched a couple movies, and they were quite precious. But they kinda depressed me and made me wonder why love can't work out that way in real life. And I can't just watch movies all day long.

I've done a great deal of sleeping, but I mean, that's like the ultimate waste of time when you've already had more than your needed sleep for that day.

I've played the games on my phone a bunch, but I feel that is also a poor way to fill my time.

I could pick up my room a little bit, but I just did that a couple days ago. So there's really no point. I wanted to dust it but that would just make me sneeze even more than I already am.

I have a book that my friend loaned me that apparently is really good. But why would I want to read when I don't have to? I guess if it's that good of a book, it would be worth it. I might give it a shot today.

So if you took the time to read this completely pointless post, and you have any ideas to entertain me, please let me know.

:)

We are who we are until the day we die

I do believe the worst feeling I've experienced

Is being upset about something

When you know you shouldn't be.

When you know that it's no big deal

And you should just toughen up and get over it.

Maybe it's something that happened a long time ago

That you've never let go of for good.

Or maybe it's just something stupid that wouldn't make sense to others.

Lately I've been feeling this a lot.

And I know I complicate that more than the average person.

Why do I hold on to things I know should be long forgotten?

Why must I get offended so easily?

Why am I so sensitive to every little thing people say about me?

I wish these weren't qualities of mine, but that's the real me.

Which is another thing bothering me at the moment.

People are acting different lately; not being their true selves.

And there's no point in being someone you're not.

You can only hide from yourself for so long until you're found.

So why would I try to fake who I am?

I'm not changing, this is me, take it or leave it.

Eleven Days

Eleven is my favorite number, just saying.

It's been a week since I updated my blog, and I can think of a dozen things to write about.

I could blog about Beta convention, about Isaac becoming state president, about how we won talent finally, about the great time I had with my friends, about "Shawt bus Shawty" and about the numerous pranks my wonderful guy friends did to me.

I could blog about the beautiful snow that got us two days off from school which have been such a blessing to me, about how cold it was trying to take pictures in it, about how it's melting right now, and about the fact that it more than likely will snow again in a day or snow.

I could blog about how around this time last year, I was more upset than I've been in my entire life, about how strange it is to think a year has already passed, and about how glad I am all that is passed me now.

However, I do believe I want to share something else, something more important. Christmas is only 11 days away, and I feel like that so many other things go on this time of year that I get distracted from what's supposed to be the main focus.. Jesus.

I urge you to go listen to my favorite Christmas song, it's not popular or anything I don't think, but it's beautiful and almost brings me to tears every time I listen to it.

Song: Child of Love
Artist: Sara Groves

It's crazy to think an ordinary teenager girl was chosen to be the mother of the One who came to save us all. God could have picked anyone in the world, but he picked Mary.

Imagine how overwelmed she felt when the angel came and told her she was pregnant with God's only son, and was told to name Him Jesus. Imagine how people judged her back then, knowing she wasn't married yet.

And Mary was a virgin, which makes the whole story even more miraculous. God is the only one who can make something like that happen.

But I'm almost positive that there never has been, nor never will be a mother as proud of her child as Mary was of Jesus.

For the next 11 days, I will listen to that song everyday, along with many other Christmas songs. I will exchange gifts with people. I will enjoy time off of school with friends and family. I will simply embrace this holiday before it's gone. But I'm also promising myself that everyday I will take time to think about the real reason we celebrate, because without Jesus, I wouldn't be alive to enjoy this time of year.

Let it "Snow"

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to find my mother in my room trying to tell me something. All I heard was the word school. I had been in the middle of a strange dream [I've had those a lot lately] and for some reason what she said sounded like, "How was your day at school?"

I was so out of it that I simply replied with a confused, "What do you mean?" I'm sure I sounded crazy to her, considering what she had really said was we weren't going to have school today.

Somehow I was sane enough to update my status on facebook, and then I rolled over and went back to sleep for almost 7 hours.

When I finally woke up, I went to peak out my window to see the so called "snow" that had set us free from 7 periods of toture. [Okay, maybe school isn't quite that bad.] But when I opened the blinds, I found grass and blacktop with a couple wimpy patches of white on them.

Disappointed? Just a little bit.

I am still very thankful for being off today, I got 5 more hours of sleep than I normally would and I have the chance to catch up on a few things.

But next time school is called off I wish to gaze out my window and find a wintery blanket of deep snow so I can join my friends in some sleigh riding and possibly make a snowman.

Thank you God for this snow day and the many to come, but please not too many so we don't have to go to school in June again!!

It was only just a dream.. [Thank Goodness]

When I was a younger child, I had a WILD Imagination. As I've grown older, that creativity has seemed to fade. 

But I think I have figured out where all those crazy thoughts and ideas have gone.. To my dreams.

I dream of getting shot in Walmart, friends becoming possessed, bedrooms with magical teleport-capable stairways, and anit-shark chapstick. Tell me that's not out of the ordinary.

Last night I had a strange dream that consisted of my brother covering my bed with hundreds of batteries. I asked him nicely to clean it up because I didn't want battery acid to get on me, but he refused so I had to do it myself.

I started picking up the batteries and I noticed there was something greasy on my hand.. Battery acid. I rushed to my bathroom sink to wash it off, but unfortunately, the acid was already eating away at my skin.

The pain was unbearable, and the water didn't seem to be working, so I decided to move myself to the faucet in the bathtub so there would be more water and pressure on my hand. I was screaming for my parents, but they didn't seem to care at all. [Of course in real life they would be freaking out.]

I watched as the acid began to burn a hole in my hand, [Gross, right] and at this point I was convinced that the dream was real and I was nearing death. 

Somehow, a miracle occurred and my hand was mostly healed with just a tiny slither of sink that looked like a nasty cut.

I woke of relieved it that it was only just a dream. But why would that happen in real life, and where does my mind come up with this stuff?

It can be hard to believe, but..

"Everything happens for a reason"

Unless you've been living under a rock your whole life, you've probably heard this phrase dozens of times. People use this as a sense of comfort when something comes out of the blue and breaks them down.

But honestly, it's come to the point that when a disheartening event takes place in my life, the fact it happened for a reason is the last thing I want to hear.

It seems too cliche, and it's hard to understand that there's actually a reason for a family member passing away, getting your heart broke, or not accomplishing something you worked hard for.

When bad things happen to us, it's easy to question God, get angry at God, or even blame God.

But I don't think God just looks down on the earth, randomly selects a person, and makes something terrible occur to tear them apart. God loves us way too much to do that.

God's will for each and everyone of us is perfect, and he only lets us go through tough times because there is something much greater ahead of us.

"For I know the plans I have for you" Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

A lot of people have heard that verse multiple times, but it's so easy to forget that when something unexpected  and upsetting comes their way.

God has wonderful plans for all of us, even if it's not exactly what we wanted or had in mind.

I'm trusting in God with every event that takes place throughout my time in this world. I might not be able to handle it alone, but with Him I can get through anything and see the silver lining on every dark cloud:)

Giving thanks:)

I am laying in my own bed for the first time since Saturday. I am so exhausted. But I am thankful.

I've been going places nonstop the past few days, but in a fun and enjoyable way.

In the midst of the busyness, I have realized several things I'm thankful for that I don't always think about.

First of all, I didn't have to go to school at all this week, which of course was great! That's not the point though. I went to KYA for the first time, and I already can't wait to return next year.

As fun as it was, it opened my eyes to what a great state and country we live in. Everyone, even people my age, are allowed to voice their opinions and make a change in the world.

Our freedom is something we often take for granted because that's how we've always lived. Free. But if that was taken away from us, we would have no idea what to do. So I am thankful.

Also, one of my best friends, who unfortunately lives in Florida, is in for the break. I am thankful for every moment I get to spend with her because those moments are few. We always have such a great time when we're together.

As much as I would love for her to live here, her living far away is alright because it makes me appreciate out friendship even more.

My daddy had surgery yesterday. Nothing too serious, and I knew he would feel better once it was over with.

However, I still was scared about him having the operation. You never know when something could go wrong.

God blessed him with a successful surgery though and he's doing fine, leaving me with another thing to be thankful for!

Lastly, my brother is leaving for Washington DC tonight. I could say I'm thankful he's going to be gone, but that's not the case. I'm simply thankful (and slightly jealous) that he has been given an opportunity like that.

Oh yes, and I'm thankful for the delicious food I'm about to devour as the wonderful family I'll be eating it with.

Hope you have a great Thanksgiving, and are reminded of the little things in life that you are blessed with.

:)

"The surface shines, while the inside rots"

Usually, I'm terrible at hiding my feelings. No matter how hard I try, people can always tell when something is wrong with me.

But this time, I don't think that's the case.

Losing someone close to you is hard, especially when it happens so quickly.

It was my choice though, right? Isn't this what I wanted?

No. Not at all. You told me things would never be the same, but for some reason I just shrugged it off and assumed that not enough would change to the point that it bothered me.

Once again, I was wrong. It's like you're hardly even there now. And I hate that.

I know on the outside it seems like I could care less about it all. It's like I'm trying to prove to you that I'll be just fine.

But deep down, it's slowly wearing a hole in me.

Maybe, with prayer and time, things will get better between us. I sure hope so.

Heaven & God's Love > This world & My life

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." [1 John 2:15]

One thing I've been trying to do lately is listen to what God has to say to me.


There are many ways that God speaks to me, through the bible, prayer, or someone preaching.. But this week it was through music.


Earlier this week, I discovered a new song. Well.. It wasn't really new, it had been on my iPhone for quite some time, but I guess I had never really listened to it all the way through and thought about the lyrics.


Song: Your love is better than Life
Artist: Fee


I encourage you to go listen to this song, 1. Because it's amazing, 2. This post will make more sense if you do so.


I have wonderful life. I couldn't ask for anything better. I say this not out of arrogance, but simply because it's true and I love the life I'm living.


There are so many times that I just sit there and think, "Wow, I love my life." Which is good. I mean, that's better than being all, "FML, I hate my life."


God created the world in such an awesome way that we can enjoy the time we have here. But what we have to remember is this: God's love is greater than anything we can ever imagine. Above our friends, our families, our significant others, our reputations, our personalities, our activities, our whole life in general, God is far above those and we should give Him the position He deserves!

God's love is: "Too high to measure, Too great to treasure, longer than forever." Those are just a few lyrics from the song that gives us an idea of God's love. But we will never really, truly understand it. We aren't supposed to, and there's no one who's love can even come close to God's.

And if you haven't read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I strongly suggest you look into that. It will make you think very deep about a lot of things, especially God's unconditional love for us.

The song also says, "Your love has given me life." If God didn't love us so much, we wouldn't even be alive in the first place!! "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." [John 3:16] 

I heard another song yesterday morning that seemed very significant.


Song: Temporary home
Artist: Carrie Underwood


This is such a beautiful song with an even more beautiful meaning. It simply reminded me that this life I'm living is going to mean nothing once I get to heaven. It's not going to matter what material things I have, what I did on the weekends, or who's attention I got. What's going to matter is did the way I live bring glory to God, the one who put me on this earth to begin with.


I'm sure you've probably heard the quote, "He [Jesus] died for me, so I'm going to live for Him." The least we can do for God, who sent his son to save us from our sins, is try to live a life that honors Him.


Also, it reminded me that no matter how good, or bad things get in my life, I have been promised an eternal and perfect life in heaven when my time in this world is up.


"This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong.. This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going."


If you have an amazing life, that's great, but don't forget that God is the one that gave you life in the first place.


And if you're life isn't going so well, God has prepared a place for all of us that will make everything we have to go through on this earth worth it.


Take some time to listen to what God has to say to you. You will find it very rewarding.

The Holidays are just around the corner..

Thanksgiving is one week away.

Christmas is like 37 days away.

Is it just me or does time go by faster every year? I feel like my life is flying by..

Here in the past year or so, I feel like I've gained a lot more understanding of things. Why this is so I can't really explain. Maybe because I'm more mature or smarter or something. I don't know.

So as the holidays approach us this year, I have began to think more and more deeply about them and what they really mean to me.

In elementary school, we are taught about the Mayflower and the pilgrims and indians and how they feasted together.

"This is why we celebrate Thanksgiving." All our teachers would say.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the pilgrims came over from England and established their own colony that eventually led us to having this wonderful country to live in called the United States of America.

But is that really the only reason for Thanksgiving?

I think not. It's about being truly thankful for everything we are blessed with.

Here lately I have realized how much I have that others don't and how I take these things for granted. I won't even try to make a list. I really do appreciate everything I have in my life, but I do a poor job of expressing that most of the time.

For example, I was given two eyes that I can see the beautiful word and people that God created for us. Sure, I have to wear contacts, but I can see clear and perfect with them. I can't imagine being blind, and there are so many people out there that have to deal with that. And I go around looking at everything like it's nothing.

Everything in our lives are gifts from God, even though we don't always recognize them as that.

Let your friends know you are thankful for them, let your family know your thankful for them, and most importantly let God know you're thankful for Him and everything he has given you!


Everyone can probably say that Christmas was more fun when they were younger. Writing letters to Santa and making him cookies. Singing all those childish Christmas songs and watching those cartoon specials on TV. Being in Christmas plays at church and school. Taking forever to fall asleep on Christmas Eve.. Then waking your parents up early Christmas morning to open all your presents.

I have to admit, I still can't sleep Christmas Eve, but all those other events are a thing of the past for me. It makes me kind of sad, knowing that I'm growing up and all. But really, it doesn't matter how old you are, how many presents you get, or what you do to celebrate.. Christmas is about honoring the birth of of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Everyone says, "Remember the real reason for the season." But how many people honestly do that?

We think it would be the end of our lives if someone took away all the materialistic things of Christmas such as presents and decorations. But what if Jesus was taken away from us?

This holiday season, I am going to strive to be thankful for the thousands of things God blesses me with each and everyday. And remember that without Jesus being born, only to live and die for the sins we commit on a daily basis. There would be no life for me or anyone else without Him, no great food on Thanksgiving, no presents on Christmas, there would be NOTHING.

Enjoy the holidays, the food, the gifts, and the family gatherings, but don't forget why we celebrate.