I'll be by your side..

Well, life has thrown a lot of crazy stuff at me lately. "Stressed", "overwhelmed" and "busy" have become very common words in my vocabulary. In fact, I've had so much to do lately, the only time I've found to blog has been right now, in English class at school. I'm supposed to be researching.. Ha yea right. Researching will just be another thing I add to my list of things I've procrastinated on that I will do later.

I have realized I pretty much set myself up for half of the things I'm stressed about. I really need to get my priorities straight. I keep digging myself in a deeper hole and eventually, it's going to get so deep it will take great measures to pull me out. So many problems, weakness, and decisions are taking over my thoughts and I'm not able to focus on the important things. I wish my life wasn't like this, but what's there to do about it?

Luckily, today the biggest decision I've had to make has been whether to have a taco or pizza for lunch. But that's only because I'm putting other more difficult decisions off until later. There's that procrastination again.

I want to get away, I want to move, or take a vacation or something to make me feel carefree. The only time I've have experienced this lately, has been when I'm in the presence of God and worshiping him. Whether it has been Chyrsalis or at FCA, God seems to take me over and I feel surrounded by his love. This is one of the best feelings I have come to know. I don't have to worry about anything because God is there. But the truth is, everywhere I'm at, God is with me. I don't have to be at church to feel the presence of God because His spirit is living inside of me.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is why I can't get that same feeling of comfort and love when I'm at home, school, or anywhere else that I'm not directly in "God's house". I want to feel like that all the time, and I should. I know I can trust God and he will be by my side every step of the way, no matter where I'm going, no matter what I'm doing, no matter what difficulties I'm having.

I understand this, but I can't seem to apply it to real life. But I'm at least going to try, because I'm in desperate need of some help. I can't do this alone. I've got to let go, and let God.

<3